I Am Back. A Holiday, A Marathon Dream, A Nervous System Awakening, And A Return To Myself

I have just come home from a holiday that was planned and mapped out for eighteen months, the life of a business owner. It was meant to be the culmination of a marathon dream I had been holding for more than five years. It was meant to be a celebration of ten years post stroke. It was meant to be a trip of a lifetime with my kids, a proper break, and a marker of everything I had worked so hard to rebuild.

And it was all of those things, just not in the way I expected.

The truth is, I did not realise how desperately I needed this break. The moment I stepped onto that plane my whole system exhaled. I switched off completely. I slept. I laughed. I watched my kids expand in confidence and curiosity. I gave myself space to see with fresh eyes where my true strengths are in the business and where I need to lead, delegate, or get out of the way entirely. I came home with such clarity on the next season of leadership and what it will take to serve my team, myself, and our clients in a sustainable way.

This holiday was more than a trip. It was an awakening.

The Marathon That Was Five Years In The Making

The dream to run the New York Marathon began shortly after Marley was born. I gave myself five years to build back the strength I had lost after my stroke and I trained consistently through those years. Trail events, long runs, strength work, nervous excitement. It was supposed to be the ten year celebration of what my body could do after losing that and my faith. 

And it was symbolic for another reason. Ten years ago, Pete and I cancelled a trip to New York because I was too unwell. Returning there together with our kids felt meaningful. So the marathon became the focus and I shared it widely because I wanted the accountability and I wanted to raise ten thousand dollars in the process.

But over the winter my body began sending strong, repeated signals. Influenza B. Throat infections. Chest infections. And finally COVID with a very stubborn dose of sinusitis and a nasty cough. I wasn’t kicking it and at first I thought it was the training. It wasn’t. It was my nervous system.

For two years I had been operating in a state of constant fight and flight. Consequently my sleep had been disrupted for the best part of that time. My baseline had shifted so gradually that I didn’t even realise how far off centre I was until everything crashed.

A few weeks before the marathon I knew I could not run it. My body was clear in it’s message. My health was not strong enough and forcing myself through running a marathon or even walking after long haul travel would have been completely contradictory to the point of the entire journey. The marathon was meant to celebrate my health, not compromise it.

Letting go was difficult but also strangely peaceful. I realised that I did not need to prove anything. Not strength, not resilience, not determination. I already knew I had that in spades. What I needed was to stop proving and start healing.

That became the real victory.

The Nervous System Truth I Could No Longer Ignore

When the illnesses kept stacking up, the question changed. It was no longer why am I not marathon ready. It became why can’t my body kick this, why can’t I rest?

The answer was simple and confronting. It was not running. It was my nervous system.

For years I had been able to self manage my anxiety and my pace with the tools I’ve always relied on. Meditation, journaling, movement and my little retreats usually kept me grounded. But this time nothing was working. My sleep wouldn’t regulate. My mind felt constantly switched on. My anxiety was louder than it had ever been.

After speaking with my sister, a clinical psychologist, and then my GP, I finally got the support my nervous system truly needed. The shift was profound. My mind softened. My body settled. For the first time in years I slept through the night. And with that clarity came the realisation that I didn’t need to run the marathon. I needed to stop long enough to breathe again.

Eighteen Months Of Preparation For Three Weeks Fully Offline

While the marathon did not go to plan, the holiday itself was everything I hoped for and more. Eighteen months earlier I had read Clockwork and decided I wanted this trip to be the first time I truly stepped away from the business. So I spent a year and a half refining systems, building communication structures, setting up Asana boards and Google Drive folders, and clarifying expectations with my team.

I planned this break like maternity leave. Clear processes. Revenue generating tasks for cancellations. Shared checklists. Transparent communication. Crystal clear roles. It took time, vision, and consistent conversations. And it worked.

My teams managed beautifully. They were empowered. They thrived. And the businesses ran smoothly without me because I finally did what leaders need to do. I stepped out of the day to day.

Coming home with that knowledge has changed everything. Now the work is maintaining the boundaries, refusing to fall back into old habits, and leading myself from grounded clarity rather than anxiety.

The Adventure Of A Lifetime With My Boys

The trip itself was magic. A week in New York filled with Times Square, open air bus tours, Halloween parades, and watching Pete run the marathon. Knicks game. Pure joy.

Then a slow, snowy week on a ranch in Colorado. Fires, horseback riding, peaceful mornings, games, and deep rest. Twelve hours of sleep a night. My nervous system finally decompressing.

Then skiing in Breckenridge where the kids absolutely thrived and I confirmed that skiing may not be my natural talent. And finally Disneyland and Santa Monica in LA where we had breakfast next to Arnold Schwarzenegger, saw old friends and enjoyed the LA scenery. The boys were in their element.

Watching my kids grow in confidence, especially seeing Flinny hop onto a horse and chat excitedly to the wrangler, and both of them take to skiing like they were born to do it was one of the highlights of my entire year. 

I came home feeling lucky, balanced, lit up, and more connected to myself than I have felt in a long time. My body is still recovering from illness but my mind is clear and my values are firmly back in place. 

The Real Lesson

This trip reminded me that goals are beautiful because they set you on a trajectory. The outcome is allowed to change. The learning is in the journey, not the finish line.

The marathon will still happen one day. But it will happen from a place of health and alignment, not pressure and exhaustion. For now my job is to nurture this body and this mind and build a solid base for the life I want to keep creating.

And perhaps the most important realisation. If you feel like you cannot take one day off when you are unwell, that is exactly when you need a proper no contact holiday.

Moving Forward

I will take an overseas holiday every year from now on. The timezone shift, the distance, the scenery, the permission to fully switch off. It is non-negotiable. And I will continue to lead my business with structure, clarity, and grounded energy, not fear.

I am back. Not in the same way I left. I am back with more wisdom, more clarity, and a renewed appreciation for rest, health, and leadership with integrity.

The marathon was not the lesson. Walking away from it was.